How Nigerian Churches Antagonize Introverts

Open your mouth and PRAY!”

If you only knew how those words haunted me as a child in the church. It did not matter if I attended my parents’ buttoned-up mainline congregation, or found my way to one of those young people churches where you’re allowed to wear jeans. Being in church required the courage to withstand a lot of pastoral demands I often felt ill equipped to meet.

But more importantly, why was the church so angry? Why take offense at those who would rather write a heartfelt letter to God than jump up and down screaming “that is who you ahhh”?

I can’t help but notice that many of the behaviors Nigerian pastors laud as godly correlate with the personality traits of an extrovert, which in turn match the qualities of most pastors themselves. Is that a coincidence? Think about what is welcomed in the contemporary church: audible, convoluted prayers; speaking in tongues; spreading the good news to wary strangers; shouting for joy; coming to the microphone and giving testimony; dancing up and down the pews; signing up for various “ministries” that involve interacting with hundreds of people. This things are not bad but just once, I would like to hear a pastor preach on the importance of respecting other people’s boundaries, of listening well to others, of projecting a calm openness that draws people in… you know, the kinds of things introverts are good at.

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When the church shames the introverted and the contemplative, it overlooks the courage and faith such people demonstrate in showing up at a service in which they are constantly ordered to do things that oppose their natural inclinations. Introverts are notorious for hating meaningless small talk. Yet every Sunday we put up with the longest five minutes of our lives when we have to greet dozens of people with no time to have an intelligent conversation with even one of them. We accept this and other demands every Sunday because we want to worship God, we like church and even like Pastor. All we want is the courtesy of not being threatened from the pulpit because we were born quiet. Is that too much to ask?

Introverts like to be approached about an opportunity and given time to think through and process what they desire to do. When they’re given appropriate time and space to process what they need, introverts can become some of the most loyal volunteers a church can have.

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Misjudged Silence:

Think back to a recent life group or Bible study meeting. There were probably a few talkers and some definite listeners in the room. Chances are the listeners were introverts.

In a group setting introverts often sit quietly before jumping into the conversation. It doesn’t mean they’re upset, shy, snobby, or daydreaming. And it definitely doesn’t mean there’s nothing deep going on inside. (On the contrary introverts have hundreds of deep thoughts!) Most introverts prefer to take their time to fully understand an atmosphere, situation, or group dynamic before contributing.

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Prayer:

Have you ever noticed what an intimate thing prayer is? Prayer is basically having a chat with omnipotent God and is often quite personal, when we stop and think about it.

Not everyone is comfortable praying while others listen, and introverts can fall into this category. Being asked to lead corporate prayer can be nerve-racking for them. And popcorn prayer (pray-as-you feel-led-but-everyone’s-actually-expected-to-participate) is also hard for introverts because it feels like pressure.

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Just because someone prefers to pray silently doesn’t mean they’re not close to God or that there’s something wrong. God created various personality types, and leaving room in church situations for different preferences and communication styles is healthy.

As believers it’s important to remember we’re all part of the same body but with different gifts and functions. If we commit to being “kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another” (Romans 12:10 KJV), we’ll realize that loving our brothers and sisters in Christ means accepting and appreciating them for who they are—introvert, extrovert, and all.