3 Things Your Introvert Friends Want You to Understand.

1. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to that party Friday night; I’d prefer to stay in and read.” Often, introverts like me would prefer to skip social events and parties in place of staying home alone — with a good book, bath, or movie instead. You know, anything quiet and opposite of socializing and making small talk, since introverts tend to feel drained very quickly in loud, crowded places. If we don’t want to go out, please don’t take it personally. Sometimes people think introversion is synonymous with being unsociable, so instead of telling the truth — that we just prefer to hang out with ourselves — we make up random excuses for why we can’t go out. Plus, by the end of the week, we’re probably already drained from school or work, so by having alone time, we can recharge our social batteries.

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2. “I’ll be more comfortable if you let me know the plans in advance Most of your introvert friends usually want to know plans in advance, because many of us don’t do well with spontaneity — we need time to process information. For me, it’s stressful when I am not mentally prepared to socialize with people; I really need advanced warning for those kinds of things. Similarly, something as simple as an unexpected phone call could be very disruptive to my momentum. Introverts tend to do one task at once, versus multi-tasking, so unexpected phone calls are intrusive and can interrupt our train of thought. Specifically, unplanned situations take away our biggest weapon — preparedness. Introverts usually like to be prepared because it allows them to think things through in advance. Of course, this doesn’t mean that introverts are never adventurous or spontaneous. We are — but we tend to explore new situations on our own (planned) terms.

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3. “I’d love to talk to you … but one-on-one or in a small group.” Often labeled as “quiet” types, introverts usually live inside their heads. We tend to hate meaningless socializing; that’s why we usually dodge small talk. However, when we’re comfortable with one person — or a prized few — we enjoy talking to them. Yes, it may seem out of character for an introvert to enjoying talking, but this is another big misconception, I think. Many introverts enjoy talking … but about things that they’re truly interested in, and more than on a surface level. Basically, the more comfortable we get, the deeper the topic we choose to delve into. However, that’s when awkwardness often kicks in: Our serious conversational style could diffuse the initial lighthearted atmosphere, but please remember, this is when we are sharing our truest selves. Although some extroverts may be surprised at how talkative we can be, introverts like me tend to not like when people point out how “quiet” we were before. That may be true, but it usually takes time for us to warm up to people.

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So the next time you’re going to see an introverted friend, remember that “it’s (literally) not you, it’s me” if I prefer to stay home alone this weekend; I’d love if we made plans in advance; and we may love having a conversation as much as you do (but generally not in a roomful of people).